The desire to do everything perfectly, a tendency to self-criticism, a dependence on evaluation – these are just some of the symptoms of the perfectionism syndrome. It affects from 25 to 30% of people, and recent studies show that these figures are gradually increasing. Nevertheless, it’s possible to overcome the syndrome.
What Is the Perfectionism Syndrome
Henry Stumpf and Wayne Parker divide this syndrome into “healthy,” in which a person wants to achieve heights and is willing to work hard for it, and “unhealthy,” in which a person sets unattainable goals, holds himself to excessively high standards in work and study and criticizes himself for the slightest failures.
Although society often evaluates the behavior of “perfectors” positively, experts say that their perfectionism negatively affects their physical and mental health.
Perfectionism researcher Roz Shafran identifies two main problems:
- Difficulties with social functioning. People with honors syndrome often spend more time on tasks than necessary and redo them multiple times because of their high standards and fear of making a mistake. This inevitably leaves less time for other aspects of life. Moreover, perfectionism can lead to prolonged procrastination and ultimately an inability to complete academic assignments or work projects.
- Closely related to mental disorders. A meta-analysis of 284 studies found that high levels of perfectionism are strongly associated with depression, anxiety and obsessive-compulsive disorder. Perfectionism has been reported to be a serious risk factor for eating disorders. It may be related to an attitude of needing to be perfect in everything, including conforming to unattainable standards of beauty.
One of the first perfectionism researchers, Don Hamachek, considered the main cause of “unhealthy” or “neurotic” perfectionism to be the inconsistent behavior of parents, who either scolded the child too often or expressed their approval only when he fulfilled some conditions and succeeded in something. As a result, a person grows up with the idea that he must become perfect, otherwise, no one will love and accept him.
Despite the deep roots of the problem, it’s possible to reduce the manifestations of this syndrome in adulthood. Cognitive-behavioral therapy has proven its effectiveness in this matter. You can try a few exercises from this field on your own.
Analyze the Costs
Accuracy, determination, the desire to do the job perfectly – the traits of people with honors syndrome at first glance seem to be advantages. These qualities are often encouraged in studies and are even listed as requirements in many job descriptions. That’s why the first step in combating unhealthy perfectionism is to recognize the problem.
You can start by taking a questionnaire – for example, assess yourself on a scale developed by Flett and Hewitt. The authors distinguish three types of perfectionism:
- Self-directed, in which a person makes unreasonably high demands on himself or herself.
- Self-directed, in which a person evaluates others by high standards.
- Socially prescribed, in which a person is convinced that others expect unrealistic success from him or her and these expectations must be met in order to earn approval.
A 45-question test based on their scale will allow you to assess the severity of these attitudes. A high score is a reason to take a closer look at your behavior. To do this, coach Elizabeth Scott advises you to analyze the benefits and costs – divide the sheet into two parts and write down all the pros and cons of the presence of honors syndrome in your life.
The purpose of the exercise is to see not only the positive aspects associated with approval at work and accurate execution of tasks but also the resulting problems – the constant fear of failure, the inability to delegate, recycling. This will help you stop perceiving perfectionism as a good thing, which is important at the start.
Enjoy the Process
One of the hallmarks of impostor syndrome is dependence on external evaluation. Work never seems good enough until it’s praised by a teacher, supervisor, or other authority because the inner critic is never satisfied.
Research shows that extrinsic motivation – whether the need for praise or material benefits – gradually kills the intrinsic and we find it increasingly difficult to complete tasks without the expectation of reward. At the same time, doing something for personal interest, even if it’s 20Bet sports betting, is useful: it increases both psychological well-being and work productivity.
To increase intrinsic motivation, psychologists advise doing more things that matter to you. For starters, you can make a list of things you are willing to do, even if no one will ever praise you for a perfect result. Sketching in a notebook box or singing in the shower are great – try to pay more attention to such activities.
Unfortunately, you can’t do only what you like in adulthood, but routine study and work projects can also be done with a lot of fun. In order not to focus solely on the result, try dividing each task into several small steps and mark the completion of each one with something enjoyable for yourself. This way you will see how much important and interesting work you do on the way to the final goal.
Keep Track of Irrational Attitudes
Perfectionists often think in the spirit of “all or nothing”: either complete the project perfectly, or don’t take on it at all. Adding to the problems is a tendency to give yourself ultimatums: “I must give it all, otherwise, everyone will consider me a loser.” Fighting such beliefs is difficult, but necessary – they prevent you from thinking rationally and contribute to the development of anxiety and auto-aggression.
Rena Branch and Rob Wilson suggest three steps to solve the problem:
- Recognize irrational thought. To do this, ask yourself: is the thought really useful to you? Does it sound neutral or rather negative? Is there real evidence of what you are thinking?
- Stop her. Branch and Wilson advise saying the word “stop” out loud as soon as an irrational thought appears and begins to divert your attention. Other possible ways are to shift focus to other topics, meditate, and distract with music.
- Replacing irrational thought with rational thought. This is probably the most difficult, but most important step. Once you have fixed and stopped the destructive thinking, try to formulate a healthy response to it. For example, instead of “I’m nothing,” say “I may feel like I’m nothing because I demand too much of myself, but the truth is, I’ve accomplished a lot and deserve love and understanding.”
A simple but effective way to take these steps is to keep a journal. You can use a template based on tips from Martin Anthony and Richard Swinson’s book, or just keep notes on your phone. The main thing is to write down the irrational beliefs that pop into your head during the day and try to work through them.
Let Go of Control
People with honors syndrome can find it difficult to delegate tasks or give themselves a break from work and school. When everything has to be done perfectly, there is simply no right to rest. This often leads to inefficient use of resources, overwork and, as a consequence, burnout.
Joachim Stober suggests combating perfectionism with small experiments. Suppose you need to do a group assignment and a voice in your head says, “If I let my classmates do part of the project without my supervision, they will do terrible and the teacher will give us an F.” At this point, try to approach the problem like a researcher and test this hypothesis: let your project peers do everything themselves. It’s scary, but what you can’t do for science.
The next step is to evaluate the result. Chances are, even if the work of your classmates does not reach half of your quality standards, the teacher will give you a decent grade. Now you know that the objective reality does not reflect your perfectionist thoughts, and perhaps delegating tasks next time will be a little easier.
If you’re not ready to start with such large-scale “experiences,” try doing the same with less important tasks. For example, if you feel that you could have spent 50 minutes on your part of the presentation instead of 5 hours – next time be sure to do so, and see what happens. Most likely, the result will pleasantly surprise you.
Reduce Anxiety
Another hallmark of perfectionists is a tendency to imagine worst-case scenarios. If you do not prepare properly for an exam, you will be sent to retake the exam and expelled from university. If you don’t do the task on time, the boss is sure to deprive you of a bonus and humiliate you in front of the entire department. Such thoughts inevitably increase anxiety, which threatens not only the deterioration of health, but also the development of mental disorders.
To combat anxiety in the moment, you can use simple practices – for example, align your breathing with the square method and shift your attention by naming five sensations in your body or five sounds around you.
Dealing with anxiety in general is, of course, much more difficult. To do this, cognitive behavioral therapists recommend, for example, making a schedule for yourself to “contact” frightening thoughts – setting aside 20 to 30 minutes a day to do so. If the thought comes before the appointed time, you can write it down in notes and return to it later.
At first it will be strange and difficult: most likely, the defense mechanisms of the psyche will resist, and after 5-10 minutes of “schedule anxiety” it will seem to you that there is nothing else to think about. At this point, the main thing is not to give up and continue exercising – gradually you will establish control over your thoughts.
